So… I haven’t made a post since March and I feel like this blog is going to become more of an annual posting…
Anyway, the fact that I’m posting tonight means that tonight was epic. Hopefully I’ll do it justice. The theme for the night was ridiculousness and it was set at 8:30 by my date. However, in order to fully comprehend the ridiculousness of it we will have to flashback to a few weeks ago.
A few weeks ago at Q Lounge (a gay bar in Greensboro – AKA “the Q” or simply: Q) my friend Jason and I were playing a game of nines when these two guys begin making out. Jason commented that he found one of them attractive and I responded that I thought the other one was cuter. Anyway, we decided to cock block them, divide, and conquer. Correct. We went to the patio and we were all talking and it was going well… flashback further (weird flashback noises from movies)…My friend Robbie had invited me to his place the previous night for drinks and wanted to introduce me to a guy he thought I’d be interested in. I declined stating that he probably didn’t have a good enough sense of the kinds of guys I’m interested in. Anyway, back to the current part of the story – the guy I was talking to happened to be the guy Robbie wanted to set me up with. Destiny. Right? So we exchanged numbers and decided to go on a date.
Unfortunately I got all sorts of sick… blah blah blah… and the date was moved to New Years Eve…
Bam… We’re now at the eve of New Years Eve. The rest of the gay counsel and I decided to go see Tron at the IMAX in Raleigh (BTW – Awesome… especially because the end is so ridiculous that you will be forced to laugh uncontrollably). Before that we went shopping. blah. So we’re all in Express Men and I happened to mention the name of the guy with whom I had a date. GASP. That’s right, the gay gasp came from all directions. I was stunned… How did they know this guy? Turns out he is speedo guy. AKA: The guy who dances at the fountain of UNCG wearing a speedo, with his iPod stuffed in the back of his speedo, singing, and pointing at people as they walk by. Both OMG and WTF!!!(???).
So I go on this date to night, and I have to tell you… it went really well. He was incredibly nice and I really enjoyed the conversation. So, despite the exhibitionism (although, perhaps because it’s funny to me) I plan on seeing him again. My first second date. blah blah blah. Ever (in the USA where it counts).
Then I went to Q where the gay counsel met me. I came equipped with noise makers and sparklers. This one guy kept pretending to whisper in my ear but it was obvious to everyone that he was raping it. I allowed it. It tickled me. The poured champagne and it was passed around the bar and the ball dropped and cheers were said and noise makers were sounded and we in the gay counsel all kissed one another and merriment and all the other rituals expected of one at the threshold of a new year (that point being the holiest part of the entire calendar for the gays… since New Years Eve and New Years combined makes our Yom Kippur… although, instead of atoning for sins we tend to indulge in it…).
After we all chatted and had more general fun… At one point we went outside and lit the sparklers which gave us 5 minutes of fun but it felt like 5 seconds…
Anyway, I was driving home (no mom, I wasn’t drunk… I was ridiculously sober) well after all this when I realized I didn’t pay my tab. SHIT! I called the bartender… she didn’t answer… I called her girlfriend… now response… I called the bouncer… she didn’t pick up. Gah! So I called my friends (they WERE drunk – 1 of them at least) and they told me they had my card, tabbed out for me, and were eating Pizza. I went to the place, Ian and I played cards… blah blah blah…
Then let me find out that Jason was hitting on this kid with a case of the downs… Seriously. It was ridiculous. BTW, it was the same guy who had previously (and by that I mean not even an hour ago) made out with another friend of mine for 20 minutes. The downs kid was flirting back. We asked him what his job was and he replied that he was a scientist. Can we be honest? Has anyone EVER heard an actual scientist refer to his/herself as a scientist? I haven’t. We asked him to elaborate. Okay. He works “in biochemistry solving viruses and fixing diseases and stuff…” I think that means he’s a lab rat. I don’t know. Anyway, he then talked about how he makes a lot of money… a fun conversation. He also told the friend of mine with whom he’d made out earlier… So my friend Lindell asked him how much money he made and I said, “Oh! he makes 60k a year. remember Lindell? He told ______ that earlier.” HA! It continued and it got bitchier and I don’t think he even realized it…
Then a guy on shrooms came up. He was wearing a silk shirt with cufflinks buttoned down 2 buttons too many, boot cut jeans, and really wide Timberland belt… and the slip resistant black shoes servers have to wear in corporate restaurants. It was tragic… mostly because he looked just like Austin Powers… and I told him so. Anyway, after we realized he wasn’t out but had come over to hit on us his life basically ended. Seriously though, this guy was legit crazy. He wouldn’t stop swaying back and forth and talking about how it doesn’t matter if your penis is small as long as you use it well… WTF!? Plus he was crazy in A Clockwork Orange kind of way. I could see him killing my friends while singing “Singing in the Rain.” Scary fucking shit.
Despite our rejections Lindell and Jason invited him over for an impromptu after party… Ian and I left, promising to give an amazing last account tomorrow when the reporters and police asked us about the last time we saw Lindell and Jason and continuing with our bitchy comments. They still went.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun! It was my first new years eve in Greensboro to my knowledge and I had a hell of a lot of fun. Yay. 
Pictures to come soon I’m sure.
